What if?

You go to school, you study hard, you get a degree so that you can get a good job and a good wife with a good home and 1.8 good children, then finally you have a good retirement before you die.

That is what most of us believe life is supposed to be like. Always working towards something and waiting to get it. We are somehow unfulfilled in between those 30 second moments of achievement. In a way I suppose I was fortunate, I managed to do most of the above including dying before I was the age of thirty. And I'll tell you, it's not all it's worked out to be.

I've always been goal driven doing what I felt was the best course of action to get where I wanted. Not that anyone else could see the red thread, and most of the times neither could I.  Fortunately I didn't let that stop me and I allowed myself to dream which is why I was able to do all I've done. I studied hard and long, 20 years to be exact. Everything from left brain subjects such as Economics, physics and math, to French and a year of musical arts at the prestigious Ballet Academy of Sweden. I had numerous jobs along the way and started two businesses of my own during this time. The pinnacle of my career was when I started to work in sales and was able to double my income every third quarter. In my mind I had a goal of what I would one day earn and it was as if though I could only achieve that, then I'd be satisfied. Well last year I did.

But, nothing happened. I'm not sure exactly what I was expecting but there sure weren't any confetti or big party when I got home from work that day. It was an anticlimax when I realized that I had arrived and immediately started thinking, "so now what?" I probably would have raised the bar once again and gone for a higher salary but an unfortunate event earlier that year had got me thinking about where I was heading.

While on vacation in Sri Lanka my grandmother who was close to me died. It was the first person I knew intimately that ever died and it was difficult for me to handle at first. There were so many things I still wanted to talk to her about, places I wanted to visit with her. One thing in particular comes to mind; my grandmother used to make cinnamon buns that were world famous in our small town of Varberg, not even my mother knew how to make them. She had promised me that she would teach me how to, but I never had enough time when I was home to visit. Also work was doing so well that I felt I couldn't "waste" the time and instead I kept postponing. So when she died and took her recipe with her, it pissed me off! It pissed me of that I had wasted my chance of being with her for the sake of being at work.

Now I have stop and tell you that there is nothing wrong with making money or having money in your bank account. Money in itself is neutral; it is what you do with it that gives it value. So when you let money run your life that's when you've lost control in my opinion. I enjoyed my work and thought it was fun, but I wasn't saving the world. I always wanted to make a difference and do good while I was here. Not sit in an office doing something that in the long run really didn't matter.

I still remember when I walked in to my boss and told her I was resigning because I wanted to become a Buddhist monk. It took the better part of an hour to make her understand. I felt sorry for her, she tried so hard but there simply wasn't anything she could have done that would have changed my mind.

Half a year later I emptied my apartment and sold most of what I owned. I left my parrot, an African grey with a friend, said a final goodbye to my girlfriend and friends, then got on an airplane to begin my journey.

How long will I be gone and what will I do while traveling, where will I get money to survive. I'm afraid I don't have all the answers to those questions. I know that I most likely will be traveling for a couple of years and it will be in Asia most of the time. I will scuba dive, and live as a Buddhist monk and look for ways to better myself, while helping people around me. As far as money goes, which is one of the questions I get asked the most, I trust. I trust that strangers will help me and that there will be opportunities to make money when needed to. I do have some money saved but not more than every person could save up in a year or three. So if you want to do what I do and think money is what's holding you back, I would have to say that it is more of an excuse not to leave than an obstacle. Remember it's all in your mind.

So what if? What if you leave all of these things, then what? That's what I'll be writing about in this column together with the Bebook. The Bebook is the answer to one of my passions which is reading. It's been a pain to bring books along with me for this trip because of the sheer weight and space they take up. I am really excited about being able to read without having to carry around a container full of books and also about sharing my experiences with you.

I hope that you will visit regularly, and if you have any questions or comments feel free to drop an email through Bebook, they will forward it to me.

Have fun and enjoy wherever you may be

//Martin

"This is when I visited a Hindu temple out in the djungle here in Sri Lanka. You pay tribute to the Gods of the forest by having a priest bless the food then giving part of it to people in need. They also have an awesome traditon where you smash a coconut against a stone torid yourself of evil spirits. Coconut milk sprayed everywhere and I figure it must have worked since everyone left the stone smiling."